Each passing second of the clock brings us closer to the Bengal's season opener.  Each passing second inevitably crashes into the next.   A mournful, pealing sound resounds through Bengaldom.  The ringing of bells.  Funeral bells.

It seems like just weeks ago  when we were young and naive and looking forward to the season.  We lauded Zimmer and Fitzgerald and whispered about Chris Perry, giddy in our disbelief and unwilling to speak too loud lest we jinx it.  We were so excited to have football back, we didn't seem to mind that Jeremi was fat, that TJ wasn't practicing.

With each passing second, Reality takes its insidious toll on us.  Trade Rudi Johnson?  A torn labrum?  Mike vs Marvin?  Chris Henry?  Then there were the preseason games.  Do we have a 1st team offense?  Carson with a broken nose?  The clock ticks on and the questions pile up, but Marvin's not talking.  At least not in English.  As Marvin said last week, being frustrated may well be our choice, but being concerned and skeptical as to what type of product will be on the field in Baltimore is an inevitable conclusion based on the evidence to date.

I face the opener with both anticipation and dread.  I hope the clarion call of victory will drown out the dirges in my mind, but until the game clock expires the ringing (and the hand wringing) will continue.

10.  The Mooch: The guy asking to borrow someone else's cheat sheet.  Or look at their player profiles they spent 2 weeks reading and making notes on.  Seriously....you can get one free from like 90 websites, or ask someone to make you a copy beforehand but don't come to the draft unprepared.

9.  The Operator:  Do you know how hard it is to get a group of guys together in one place, at one time with no women or children?  It's damn near impossible.  So if you're at the draft : Be at the Draft!  Quit texting until your keyboard smokes or making and taking non-draft related calls, talking loudly, and saying stuff like, " No,  I can talk, its cool....yeah...I'm just at a the draft...Yeah...What are you doing later?" No....Its not cool, and if it's "just the draft" feel free to go home early.!

8.  The LifeLine:  And since we're talking phone ettiquette, I feel the draft should be a sealed environment, you go in and it's just you, your fellow league members and The Board.  No calling your buddy for advice.  No emailing Nick Brunker in hopes he'll get back to you in time.

7.  The Critic:  The guy who thinks everyone else's picks suck and ridicules them loudly and mericilessly but then takes Rudi Johnson in the first round and a kicker in the second.

6. The Rainman: The guy who preceeds every one of his picks and freely comments on other people's picks with an encyclopedia's worth of stats and acronyms that may or may not be total bullshit.   I'll YAK if I hear him cite total "Looks" one more time.... 

Next up is the Rainman's polar opposite...

5. The Oblivious One:  Sometimes, we all lose track of whose left on the board, especially if there's a keg involved and we're in round 10.  I get that.  But don't be the guy that never knows.  I'll give you a hint, if its the 5th round, Randy Moss is probably taken....probably.

4.  The Reacher:  He's got Go Go Gadget Arms and he's gonna use them.  Value or ADP be damned!  He knows who he wants, and he wants Tedd Ginn and he's gonna reach down there and take him... in the 2nd round.  Actually check that , I like this guy because then a good pick might fall to me .

 3.   The Guy with Tourettes: The one who periodically, and loudly  says, "Wow...I cannot believe so and so is still on the board!"  Inevitably the other person or persons in the room who did in fact notice and were envisioning a total steal,  will look at him and say...."You Idiot!", while the others double check their cheat sheets and prepare to snap him up.

2.  The Sloth: The guy who runs down the clock for every pick.  He could have the 1st pick in the first round and still shuffle through print outs, exhale deeply, walk around, call his mom for advice, expend the time limit, ask for more time, take a **** and then come out of the bathroom and say, "  Well....I guess I'll take LT."  It only gets worse the deeper in the draft you go.   You're why drafts take 5 hours!

1.  The Invisible Man.  The guy not there.  I actually had some bonehead on speaker at the last draft I attended , he had no clue who was on the board or what was up.  I partially hold the commish responsible.  Next time.....if you can't be there, appoint an agent to make your picks or pick from the waiver wire.

I've spent the past few days devouring Fantasy Draft publications, researching ADP's and scouring PFT.com for news on McGahee's knee or Gates' foot.  I haven't studied this hard since college.  My first draft is this afternoon and I'm pretty excited.  My son is starting school Monday, Phelps is smashing world records, the cold war is re-igniting, my house is worth less than it was 2 years ago and I just paid $70 to fill up my car.  But what am I thinking about?

Hmmm...how much of a drop off will Brady have?  What's up with his foot?  Should I take him Top 10 of the opportunity presents itself?

What about Manning?  Is his knee really healed?  Why hasn't he been on TV or been seen in public?

Which Rookie RB will have the most impact???  I mean McFadden's a stud but what about Mendenhall's Goal Line carries and John Stewart in Carolina?  Don't even get me started on Matt Forte.

Will my picks have good value....and what does that mean? 

God I hope I don't try to draft someone off the board....

I really like a couple Steeler players - how do I reconcile that with my love of the Orange and Black???  Is drafting Big Ben cheating on Carson if I get Ben at "Good Value?"

I'm geeking out over here.  Last year I drafted Marvin Harrison and Rudi Johnson so I know my judgement is suspect.  I think I might do a Costanza this year.  I am going to do the opposite of what my instincts tell me to do!!!!  Its Genius!!!

Championship!

There are dozens of pages on this website that will give you their thoughts on the upcoming Bengals season.  Of those dozens, 2 or 3 will actually know what they are talking about.  I don't have the football intellect to keep up with the serious armchair analysts, so here's a dumb fan's thoughts  and observations on the 2008 Bengals.

1)  This is my favorite time to be a Bengals fan - all the glittering potential.  Right now we all can go sleep at night thinking Chad's going to be fine, Rudi's going to rush for over a 1000 yards, River's hold out won't hurt him and the Zimmer/Fitzgerald tandem are going to fix what several other coordinators and position coaches couldn't.

2) Jeremy Johnson is fat.  He couldn't run through a block and open up a hole if there was a box of donuts, a gallon of iced Grape Kool-Aid, and a comfy couch and a PS3 on the other side waiting on him.

3) Ahmad Brooks:  200 watt physical ability, 25 watt mental ability.  Will we get it right with Rivers????

4)  Jordan may look like Carson but thus far seems to be playing like the #4 QB, rather than the #1 QB.

5) This division is winnable.  Ravens are retooling, the Browns over-achieved last year, and the Steelers aren't looking too healthy right now.  The flip side is we aren't scaring anybody either. 

6)  Seeing Chris Perry at camp moving fast, cutting and taking hits made my nipples hard.  All bets are off if he stays healthy. 

7)  Eric Ghiaciuc.......maybe not up to filling R.  Braham's shoes?  Can we compete sucessfulyy with  a project at this position like Whit or Bobbie when it's game time?

8) How tired are you of saying, and hearing, " "This team will go as far as the Offense takes them?"  Great!  Will they get on the field enough?  Having said that....once again I find myself very enthusiastic about our Offense and wary about our defense.  I like what I saw in person at the Scrimmage and read of the reports from camp....but its not real football and we open with 4 tough games this year and then have a brutal schedule the rest of the year.

9)  Will special teams ever be special again?  I like Coery Lynch and Kyries Hebert....and I bet Darrin Simmons does too.  I think they will be back up to their form from a couple years ago. 

P.S.  Dear Darrin:  Please don't let Glenn Holt return anything but his playbook this year!

Add it all up and what does it mean?  I have no idea.  But I cannot wait for Monday Night.