This franchise is......Poisonnnnnnn!  I could go on, but seriously.  Bell Biv Devoe....number 4 on the Billboard Hot 100 albums for 1990.  This probably played in the locker room at Riverfront Stadium during that magic season, which might be a contributing factor to the curse which hangs on this franchise.

In the spirit of the blog, http://www.thingsyoungerthanmccain.com/, I started thinking about how much the world has changed since the Bengals last won a playoff game. My first pick... Russia!!!

The USSR dissolved in 1991 and when the dust settled we were left with Russia, Ukriane and a handful of Baltic states. Which paved the way for our current diplomatic crisis over Georgia. So there you go Bengal fans, our new/old enemy Russia is newer than the last playoff win.

You all know I am highly anxious to say the least about Sunday's game.  A stange thing happened to me a few minutes ago when I was walking downtown.  As I walked through Fountain Square, I saw wrappers, paper cups, all sorts of garbage being blown south towards the river.  Which was weird, because it wan't that windy.   I crossed over and walked up towards Main, and the garbage was rolling more Southwest.  How curious I thought, after all the wind hadn't changed directions. 

I started to follow a Skyline cup, as it rolled down Main and then took a right onto 4th....What the Hell is going on here?  As I continued to walk, I saw more and more trash, garbage and detritus rolling along, all in the same direction.  I followed the flow to 3rd street, and that's when it hit me. 

It wasn't the wind blowing the trash, it was some sort of enormous vacuum emanating from PBS.  The suckiness of it, it was so strong, it was pulling all the garbage into the stadium area.  Then I noticed, all the leaves on the trees sorta pointed towards PBS,  the blades of grass all leaned towards it too, the clouds seemed to dip a little lower in the sky immediately above the stadium, birds wouldn't fly over it.....

Strangest thing I have ever seen.

Do you think this is a bad omen for Sundays game???

As my Mother will tell you, I've been hurtin' for a while now.  I've been hit pretty hard by how poorly we played this past weekend.  The looming home opener on my mind kept me from sleeping last night.  I decided, impulsively to go for a drive.  I forgot my cell phone.  Strange that I should have found myself on the Roebling Bridge, holding my season tickets.

Even stranger, the next thing I know, Marvin's there!  He came with the Police, a Psychiatrist, a Negotiator and Mike Brown!

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"Your family is concerned about you.  They were afraid you might do something rash.  Put the tickets down, son."  Mike smiled at me encouragingly.

Meanwhile, Marvin was screaming at me,"  YOU DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO!!"

Mike Brown, wrestled past the Police Line, and pleaded for me to please place my tickets on the ground.  "Don't do anything rash!" he counselled.

"But Mike....Marvin..." I stammered, "I'm just so tired.  It's been so long!  I don't know if I can do it anymore!  What happened to the O-line?"

As I said that, I sub consciously extended my arms, my tickets flapping in the late night breeze, dangling above the muddy waters of the Ohio.

"I won't even get face value for these....WHY...Oh God....Why did I commit to the seat license!"

Marvin laughed inappropriately, "If you are a fan, be a fan!"

And the laugh is what saved me.  For there right next to me was Mike Brown.  The whole time Mike had been creeping ever so closer, his pruney fingers ever so slowly getting closer and closer to the tickets.  Distracted by the flashing lights and calming voice of the negotiator, I hadn't even seen him! Twelve hours later, it still creeps me out to think of how fast....how sneaky he was. 

I stepped away and jerked the tickets back, just before they fell in his grasp!

"You dirtballs!  You tried to take advantage of me.....AGAIN!  You're not here to help!"

I stuffed the tickets back into my pocket and backed away.  The Police quickly surrounded me.  After a few nods of sympathy, and a brief conversation with the Negotiator, who offered be $30.00 for my two seats (he has friends in Memphis), I was released.

Marvin and Mike, of course,  will chalk this whole incident up to a big misunderstanding.  Which in a way it was, I mis-understood the direction the team was going in I guess. I'm still going to the game on Sunday, but I might watch it from behind my hands.  I'm scared of what I might see.  But I'm not unloading my tickets just yet.  One things for sure, don't underestimate Mikey....he's sneaky-fast!  He got us all once and he almost got me a second time last night! 

Everything that can be said about Sunday's game, has been said and will be repeated through out the week.  From the weary "What else did you really expect?" to the "Blame Brat!" to of course, "Its all Mike Brown's fault."  Marvin claims we were out-played and there are no excuses.  Being a delusional season ticket holder, I cannot accept that we are as bad the pre-season and game one showed us to be.  Therefore, I NEED excuses to keep me from going off the deep end and realizing the amount of money I have and will continue to waste this year.  So, here is my excuses for why they played so poorly.

1.  We didn't know the Ravens could run that fast and hit that hard.  I mean the Raven's hit really, really hard.  I know they have pads and all, but I was intimidated watching on TV.  And they way they went after Carson....they're not suppossed to do that!

2.  We had a really good game plan coming into the game...in fact it was awesome, its just that the Raven's didn't do what they were supposed to do.  What are we supposed to do...make adjustments?  Come on ! That's not the coaching staff's fault, tip you hat to the other sideline I guess.

3.  Chad couldn't wear his new jersey, and that was very upsetting for the whole team.  I'm suprised they had the heart to even take the field.

4.  It was very, very loud in that stadium and and we couldn't hear the blitz coming, sure they had 8 guys on the line with 4 of them pointing right at Levi - but we never heard them coming.  The commissioner should make it a priority to handle excessive crowd noise.  Deal with that , please,  especially on make or break 4th downs.  How are they supposed to play if nobody can hear anything?

5.  We didn't have enough film on Flacco or the new head coach....I mean come on....we were going in blind.  How were we to know that Ravens would Blitz in a dizzing array of packages and then pound the ball?  Where did that come from?!!  And that Linebacking core.....who knew????  Next week it's Kerry Collins and he's been around forever!  Lots of tape on him! We'll be fine!

6.  The Defense was sooooo tired by the end of the game.  We'd been on the field soooooo long.  You cannot expect these poor guys to be in football shape after 6 weeks of camp and preseason.  They needed a rest.  Luckily we'll have from January until OTA's to catch up. 

7.  Like NBC's annoucing team said, this is the first time the recievers have been together with Palmer in a game situation.  In today's game you cannot expect your top players to practice with rest of the team and be just like everyone else.  They're too special. 

I'm excited about Sunday against the Titans, and I'm not worried at all about their rushing performance this week or their aggressive defense.  The Bengals will be fine.....I will be fine....and everything......is...going.....to....be......(deep breath)....OK.