Manny Ramirez Likes Red Sox's New Blue Uniforms

Manny Ramirez Likes Red Sox's New Blue Uniforms

LOS ANGELES-Dodgers left-fielder Manny Ramirez, sent to Los Angeles in a three-team trade two weeks ago, said Monday that he "really likes" the Red Sox's new blue-and-white uniforms. "I like it more than the red," Ramirez told reporters following the Dodgers' 8-6 win over the Phillies Monday. "I'm also happy that they shortened the Green Monster, and painted it blue, because that wall was too tall before. And I'm really enjoying the easy schedule we've been playing lately." Although Ramirez admitted he didn't appreciate having "that vampire from the Yankees" [Joe Torre] hanging out in the dugout all the time, he did say that he "completely approves of David Ortiz's new mustache" while gesturing towards Dodgers second baseman Jeff Kent.

- From The Onion.

Classic George Carlin

(got this email thought u guys would think it was funny)

Until 1992, no one had ever died within the state boundaries of Rhode Island.

Technically, a duck has no mouth. Its bill is considered a nose.

The most common murder weapon in the United States is not the gun or the knife, but the icepick.

The nursery rhyme "Little Miss Muffet" is a metaphor for the Black Plague, with the spider representing the plague and Miss Muffet representing England. It originated as a horror tale designed to scare children.

"Jaws" was the first movie to use the word "shark."

"King of Pop" Michael Jackson played Albert on "Little House on the Prairie."

To avoid paying income taxes, all one must do is write to the IRS and request to be taken off their list. The reason most people don't do this is that there is a lot of paperwork involved.

President William Howard Taft did not have any fingers.

"Hollywood" is the name of an African god. So when you say things like, "I wish 'Hollywood' would quit making so many filthy movies," you are blaming it on an actual deity and probably causing serious trouble for some Africans.

The jack-o'-lantern was named after Christian martyr St. Stephen.

Of the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence, only two are still living today.

Ludwig von Beethoven was black.

There is a secret nightclub under the Matterhorn at Disneyland where cockfights are held nightly. The city of Anaheim is powerless to stop them, because once you get 100 feet below street level, you're out of the city's jurisdiction.

Despite living in the ocean, dolphins are not fish. They are birds.

The reason you never see Muppets from the waist down is that they are naked.

Putting one of those "organ donor" stickers on your driver's license empowers the federal government to take organs from you even while you are still alive.

Gary Larson, creator of "The Far Side," also invented double-stick tape.

Johnny Carson was once suspended from TV for five days as punishment for saying "scoliosis" on the air.

If you watch "The Wizard of Oz" really closely, you can see a witch being killed by having water thrown on her.

It is against the law to speak Spanish in Switzerland, due to lingering resentment from the devastating Swiss-Mexican War (1889-1901).

Before he was famous, Adolf Hitler appeared as a contestant on "The Dating Game."

Due to an old Indian curse, every U.S. president elected in a year ending in "0" has had an ugly wife.

Fidel Castro's favorite TV show is "Friends." He almost appeared in a guest role for one episode, but the U.S. government nixed it. Scott Baio wound up playing the part instead.

"Alice in Wonderland" author Lewis Carroll used a pseudonym. His real name was Mark Twain.

In Monopoly, it is mathematically impossible to land on both Park Place and Boardwalk if you are the top hat.

Jesse James was a fictional character.

I'm not wearing pants.

Wow last night was one of those nights where you look back and wonder if you should still be alive. What did I do you ask? Did I go on a crime spree? No. Did I pull a Dane cook heist or anything..(Visual representation)

No what I did wasn’t against the law but was equally dangerous. I went to a small bar where karaoke was being sung and alcohol was being served and sports were on television. That’s too much stuff going on for the typical drunk person to yell about.

Ok, let me back brief you guys for a sec on why I was there. There is a singing contest where if you win you get a thousand bucks. The problem was anyone could “audition” in the prelims, similar to American Idol. Out of the people who sang last night the judges picked 5 to actually be in the real contest.

As this was going up and I heard a middle aged father of three sing “staying alive” by the Bee-Gees (im not kidding) and a lady who looked like Nancy Regan singing “don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me” (I wish I was kidding. Really I do) Memphis was completely destroying Ucla. I don’t know who most of the people were cheering for because after every basket drunk group closest to the Tvs started screaming.

I sang my song and did really well. I advanced to the next round. Once that happened I got to drink free. I am not conditioned to not drink free drinks. I drank something I don’t recommend anyone drinking. Southern Comfort and Redbull...I drank a lot of those. Next thing you know I’m on stage with strangers singing “I got friends in low places”

WAIT stop the presses Volquez. Is pitching a great game based on the stat line. As of now I have no idea if he is dominating the way Cueto did. But it still is good news. Wow by the end of the season Arroyo might be the number 4 starter. And that is a good thing. Hopefully Bailey can get is act together in triple A and crack the rotation this year. Detroit did it a few years ago with a relatively young staff. Everyone in Cincinnati needs to start going to the games so that in a few years we can actually pay these pitchers instead of letting them go to the devils in the AL east. Yankees or the Red Sox because we cant afford them

Dane Cook is funny. He needs new material tho. This still cracks me up because I used to think the same thing about these commercials when I was younger. So ill leave you guys with this.