MY APOLOGIES TO ART SCHLICHTER
Had I been born sooner, and had the internet been around earlier, maybe Art could've read my NFL picks. Then he'd have bet on winning teams, not have resorted to stealing money, and would've never had to go to prison. Maybe he'd be co-hosting with a fat guy named Sal one of those Saturday morning gambling shows we air during the football season. Unfortunately, I was born in '77 and the internet proliferated while Art was sharing a cell instead of a microphone with a fat guy named Sal.
First the obligatory college picks. UC ain't losing to Akron, OSU ain't losing to Minnesota, though I'm not expecting massive blowout in either game, and UK ain't losing to Western Kentucky, where I almost went to college until I realized WKU was about four hours from civilization. Plus, it was far more fun to fork over thousands of dollars more for a private education that saw he take classes like "Tape Editing." Speaking of the University of Dayton, they'll beat Duqesne and trust me, a ton of thought went into that pick.
Now for the pros. Destiny closed into my lead last week with a solid showing, going 11-5 to my 10-6. For the year, I'm 29-18, and she's 23-24. Keep in mind, we can't pick games like everyone else does, using point spread, because that concept is as foreign to her as championships are to the city of Cleveland. Speaking of which...
I usually like to include a gallery of the cheerleaders for the Bengals opponent. However, the Browns don't have cheerleaders, much like the Giants. In New York, it's unforgiveable. In Cleveland, it makes sense. Gas prices are up, airline tickets cost more than ever, the expense of importing good looking women to Cleveland ten times a year has to start to add up, even for a profitable NFL team. Plus, when your unofficial mascot is a 400 pound man wearing a dog mask, you can't possibly compliment him with women in hotpants, primarily out of fear that he'll eat them.
Bengals/Browns: This was somewhat easy this morning. I felt the Bengals would win. Eric Steinbach, Braylon Ediwards, and Shaun Rogers are banged up, Derek Anderson has turned into Derek Anderson, and the vultures are circling over Romeo Crennel. Now we find out Carson's throwing elbow is bothering him, so let's go through the list so far: nose, ankle, now elbow. And September isn't over. Wonderful. If Carson can't throw it, and the Bengals keep cramming Chris Perry inside, it's gonna be a long day. Still, I think Derek Anderson in week 16 of 2007 instead of week 2 of 2007 shows up, if they have to use Fitzpatrick,this is a team they can use him against and expect to get by. Plus, maybe the defense can grab a turnover. Against any sanity, I'm picking my Bengals Destiny is with me.
Minnesota/Tennessee: For all the strength, dominance, and prestige that is the NFL. One of their 13 contests this week features Gus Frerrotte v. Kerry Collins. To be fair, it also features Adrian Peterson, bad hammy and all v. Chris Johnson. Destiny and I are both picking the Titans.
Denver/Kansas City: This seems like the type of game underperforming Bronco teams over the last few years would lose, but man the Chiefs are bad. We're both picking the Broncos.
San Francisco/New Orleans: JT O'Sullivan should really open a bar. He and the Niners beat the Saints. Destiny like New Orleans.
Arizona/NY Jets: Kurt Warner v. Brett Favre in 2008. Who knew? Favre throws fewer picks than Warner fumbles and the Jets win, though a team that got pounded on the road on teh west coast on Monday night has the odds stacked agains them. Destiny agrees with the pick.
Green Bay/Tampa Bay: The Packers, because Lil Wayne says so. Destiny likes the Pack as well.
Atlanta/Carolina: The Matt Ryan roller coaster continues, and the Panthers bounce back at home. Destiny also likes Carolina.
Houston/Jacksonville: The Jags were a field goal away from imploding. They jump back into the fray by pounding an awful Texas team. Destiny also likes Jacksonville.
Buffalo/St. Louis: The Rams are starting to define dysfunction and the Buffalo Bills (quick, name six Buffalo Bills) are gonna be 4-0 according to both me and Destiny.
San Diego/Oakland: Did I say the Rams are staring to define dysfunction? Must've forgotten the Raiders are still in the league. Still though, Lane Kiffin is a point away from being 2-1, with two solid efforts on the road. Can't see them beating San Diego, so we both take the Raiders.
Washington/Dallas: Washington is 2-1, but simply can't score enough to beat Tony Romo. We both like the Cowboys.
Philly/Chicago: An NLCS preview. The Eagles win this one. Tampa Bay exposed holes in the Bears D last week, DeSean Jackson and Hank Baskett rip them open this week. The Cubs will exact revenge in a few weeks. Destiny also likes the Eagles.
Baltimore/Pittsburgh: I want to pick Baltimore. We know how beaten up the Steelers are, but Joe Flacco didn't face a defense like this in his first two games. I take Pittsburgh. Destiny likes the Ravens.
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TASTES GREAT!
Earlier this week, we spent some time discussing the dearth of good looking women wearing NFL jerseys on the web. I linked to the Uncoached gallery of chicks wearing NFL gear, which included two girls in Bengals tops. They were underwhelming and as a life-long Bengals fan, this bothered me, so I found some pictures of women in Bengals jerseys. I'll leave it to you to determine their level of quality, but I think there's some hotness in this gallery, which you can check out by clicking the picture of the girl holding the beer.
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IN AN UPSET, BEAVERS HAMMER TROJANS
I'm guessing this is the bitter rumination of a Ohio State fan, which is totally cool. It's also the excuse I needed to link to this.
Hey speaking of Trojans, I'll be blogging from the Rubber Bowl tomorrow during the UC/Akron game. (Laptop cooperation pending) I'd also like to try a live chat from the game, because quite frankly I don't have enough to do. We'll discuss what sharp object I'd use to impale myself if the 'Cats lost to a school with this for a mascot.
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FRIDAY FLUFF
First off, let's meet Danielle Bux.
-The losing coach Sunday will have to endure increased speculation about his job security. Romeo a little moreso than Marvin, but still the questions will intensify about the future of whomever takes the loss. Can a midseason coaching change work?
-How long is Levi's leash on Sunday?
-A hoops coach gets fired for using profanity.
-How hard is it to show up to court? Delta has 13 trips to Fresno daily, usually with a stop in Salt Lake or Minneapolis, but the flights are available.
-Last night's USC/Oregon State game (hey, at least one OSU was able to beat the Trojans) was the ultimate "text message" game. A game you probably weren't paying attention to until you got a text message along the lines of "dude, you watching USC?"
-Olympic gold medalist and UC grad Mary Weinberg is challenging Chad Ocho Cinco to a race. She'll join us at 9:30.
-This is a law I can get behind, and one I'd be guilty of breaking at the same time.
