"I HAVE BEEN PITYING FOO'S FOR 28 YEARS, BILL." Enjoy Mr. T explaining to Bill O'Reilly why he called Rowdy Roddy Piper a disgrace at the first Wrestlemania and what the phrase "get some nuts" means.
THE DREAM TEAM REMEMBERED Pardon me while I'm on this US men's hoops kick, but the guys at Uncoached give the original Dream Team some love. The 1992 Summer Olympics went down when I was 14, when it was maybe coolest time to be an NBA fan. I was a huge Dream Team guy, even though they got the roster wrong. Dominique WIlkins remains an inexcuseable snub, and was about 76,000 times the player that Chris Mullin was. Christian Laettner had no place on that roster either, whereas Reggie Miller, Kevin Johnson, Tim Haradaway did. Hell, if you were gonna go with a college guy, Shaq was a more deserving choice. I think I watched just about every Dream Team game at my buddy Aaron's house that summer, and we still talk about that team more than just about any other subject to this day, which may be the most pathetic thing of all time. Anyway, enjoy the look back.
YOU KNOW TO ROOT WORD OF FESTIVAL? FESTIVE! Two festivals this weekend, one tomorrow as we hit up the St. Margaret of York festival in Loveland. Sunday, we hit Fairfield for the Sacred Heart festival. I hope, no, I demand that you show up. If you don't, I'm going to just assume you hate America.
MEET NINEL CONDE Ninel is a Mexican actress, who has appeared on Telemundo a bunch of times, as well as Ugly Betty, which looks awful. Ninel, however, is anything but.
An Irvington cage fighter accused of inciting a brawl at an Auburn University fraternity house by yelling "Roll Tide" admitted Wednesday to bribing a retarded man to claim responsibility for injuries suffered by the brothers in the melee.
....and be completely taken aback. Stunned. Just beside myself. This is not that time.
THIS COMMERCIAL IS COOL I know I might be one of a select few who actually cares on Olympic men's hoops. I like basketball, and anything that gives us hoops in the offseason can't be a bad thing. And I know I buck the trend and I actually really want the US Squad to succeed, simply so I don't have to hear the same overplayed myths that we heard when the United States failed to win the gold in '04. But even if you don't care, when you mix hoops with the greatest rendition of the National Anthem of all-time, you have to agree, it makes for one damn cool commercial.
DOES KELLY RIPA NEED TO EAT SOMETHING? Got the following e-mail from Lance after Kelly appeared on Letterman Tuesday night....
Tell me you saw it?????? Kelly Ripa on Lettermen last night. I made a point to watch. I'll never look at her the same way again. Appeared to weigh 71 pounds Bones sticking out. Had to turn it off.
Didn't see it, though usually a Letterman-Ripa combo would be appointment viewing in my house.. I did find these pictures of her arriving at the Ed Sullivan theatre, and while I'm certainly not in a position to turn down Kelly Ripa, one of my favorites would be well served by a couple of trips to the buffet.
-I might be the only person who doesn't think the Brett Favre deal is an absolute home run for the Jets.
-My question throughout most of last season was "Is there a guy on the Bengals defense who leaves the opposing offensive coordinator awake at night worrying?" If we ask the same question a month from the opener, what's the answer?
GOOD GOD. Jay Bruce is putting on a display today (on a rare Businessman's Special TV broadcast as FSN raised money for the Reds Community Fund), a homer and two outfield assists, including a laser from right field to nab (the not exactyl fleet footed) Prince Fielder at the plate.
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AND WE HAVE OUR REASON TO WATCH THE OLYMPICS Other than the US hoops team, which I'm actually kinda excited to see, some locals (I'm a sucker for local boy/girl does good), the smugness of Bob Costas, and the fact that there's not crap on TV in August, the main reason to check out the action from China is Bia and Branca Feres, who are synchronized swimmers from Brazil.
WHY WAS I NOT SURPRISED TO HEAR THIS? That MTV show "Bromance" had a casting call in Louisville. Which seems appropriate, as does the fact that it was held at a Sully's.
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SHOW!
-The power went out in our building this morning, leaving me way behind, and forcing me to listen to people whine about coffee not being available. So no show preview today, which has to leave you on the verge of suicide. Instead, enjoy our quality veteran of the week, and my favorite all-time ABC News personality, Elizabeth Vargas.
SOMETIMES, AMERICA SUCKS. Eva Mendes made a commercial for something that's apparently far too risque for US audiences. For more, check out my man Rich Walburg's page at 700WLW.com.
MEET PERHAPS THE WORST PERSON EVER A Utah man is in trouble for "football-kicking" his 18th month-old. Sad thing is, I know many who would more than embrace giving this kid a tryout.
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SMOY! Our 13th stop on the Thank God for Alcohol Church Festival Tour takes us to Loveland for the St. Margaret of York Festival this Friday. We'll have the usual stuff, beer, food, music, gambling, and more. Plus, Xavier great Steve Wolf has offered to humiliate me shooting free throws. Be there, say 7:00? And you know the drill, be the first seen in our shirt, win a funnel cake. Be there.
Price includes unlimited bowling and shoe rental Prize Raffle, Split the Pot, and More!
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THIS IS WHY YOU WANT TO BECOME AN MMA FIGHTER Patrycja Mikula's name looks like an eye chart. She's dating Ultimate Fighter Andrei Arlovski, and she's tremendous.
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LISTEN.
-Hold training camp in Cincinnati, because this trend isn't reversing anytime soon.
-Do you get the feeling that we are nearing the end of the Ahmad Brooks experiment?
-Chad Johnson spoke to the media after practice last night. He was back on the practice field last night. If you handed in your Chad jersey, burned your 85 stuff, you regretting it? You getting some more?
-Fight in the Brewers dugout at GABP last night. On the surface, not good, but isn't there a part of you that would love to see the same type of fire in the home dugout? Obviously, we don't need Joey Votto going after say, Josh Fogg, but wouldn't you love to see something close to the same type of fire from the Reds?
-We often get into the "Is this a baseball town or a football town?" debate. Bill Koch asks if because the lack of success from the pro teams, if we're actually more of a college sports town. Are UC football and hoops, and XU basketball worth looking forward to more and investing emotionally in more than either the Reds or Bengals?
-My producer is an MMA blogger for the Baltimore Sun. He has a chance to cover an MMA event at the Playboy Mansion. He is actually on the fence about going. His fiancee wants to go with him, which is just a terrible move. Please help me convince him to go.
-Note to my friends: If I ever use the word "bromance" in describing our friendships or anything we do together, I give you permission to stab me in the face.
-Watching the Reds this weekend made me queasy. Not because of how they played, which was awful, but because of the camera angle everytime they showed a shot from behind home plate.
-Scrimmage/mock game stuff. Happy about the following...Antonio Chatman is alive. The forgotten man on the WR corps had a nice weekend....The defense "won." Corey Lynch and Brandon Johnson keep having their names mentioned. A lot. Chris Perry lugged it ten times. There seemed to be a bit of an emphasis on using the tights ends, Sherry, Utecht, and Kelly all caught balls. Not happy about....it's a scrimmage/mock game. You expect me to be upset about something from a mock game?
-Why do we absolve draft picks of most of the blame when they hold out? We pin it all on their agent. I like Keith Rivers, and I'm pumped to watch him play, but if he wanted to be in camp, he'd be in camp.
And this is puzzling from Marvin....
"Keith is missing some time. But I'm not going to make a big deal out of it," Lewis said.
"It's starting to get old now," Zimmer said. "He's starting to lose a lot of time. A lot of the install we're doing, he hasn't been through yet. He's got a lot of catching up to do."
-You can't help but like any plan that reduces the number of fake football games, but is a 17-3 split really the answer? You gonna feel that way if the Bengals are playing their ninth road game of the year in late December for a chance to go to the playoffs? I'd love an 18-2 split, but is there any chance the players' union would go for it? You think preseason games are unwatchable now? Wait until there's only two of them.
-A lot of talk on the leadership void post-Junior, though I'd argue there was one before July 31st. Is too much made of things like leadership and being the "face of the franchise?" Is leadership or lack thereof the reason they went 0 fo 7 with runners in scoring position yesterday? Was a face of the franchise needed to stop a weekend full of errors? Should more leadership come from the manager? Does a leader and/or face of the franchise simply emerge over time or is the leader annointed by others as Brandon Phillips suggests....
“And you guys, the media, have a lot to do with it,” he said. “You come up with Bruce Almighty and that catches on for Jay Bruce. Whatever you want and whatever the organization wants.
-If you grew up a baseball fan in the 80s, you kinda grew up with Skip Carey. There was a Braves game on TBS every night, and you proabably watched it. His passing saddens me.
-How large of a loser do you have to be to do this? And Steeler fans wonder why we hate them.
-This is called karma. The only tragedy here is that the entire building didn't burn down.
HOT MILITARY CHICKS! I never considered joining the armed forces. You, the military, and the rest of the United States can be as thankful for that as we are for the people who do sign up. However, had I known the service had soldiers like this, I may have thought about it more, which likely would have ended in disaster for all parties concerned.
MUGSHOTS! After a week off, the Kenton County Mugshot of the Week contest returns, and it should be hotly contested. E-mail me your pick, and we'll add them to our list of finalists in the Kenton County Mugshot of the Year finals.
We have Donald Buck, who seems excited to have redeemed all his Marlboro points for some cool looking swag.
We have Holly Durkin, and her lucky 13.
And making all us Bengals fans proud, we have David Roseberry.
I WISH JIM McMAHON WOULD MAKE A COMEBACK In an era where "Is Bronson Arroyo playing his guitar too much" becomes a debate and where we get daily updates on the sexual escapades of A-Rod, how awesome would it be if Jim McMahon still played? In a time in which we blame everyone who's not PC enough, can you imagine if this guy was calling signals now? It'd be tremendous. At least it looks like he's enjoying his retirement.
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I DON'T ADVOCATE VIOLENCE But apparently it's ok to dress like a total tool now, going Angus Young at the office. If you dress like this, you deserve a savage beatdown.
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QUALITY VET OF THE WEEK Sorry this is late, but we're going with 41 year-old Salma Hayek, whose name I heard dropped in an incredibly lame pickup attempt last weekend. Flying to Jersey last weekend, I was seated next to a woman who had two kids in the seats across the aisle. (Unlike the flight home, this woman knew how to parent, and her kids were very well behaved) As the flight landed the man in the seat in front of her complimented her on her parenting and then dropped a "you know, you kinda remind me of Salma Hayek," which passes Nick Brunker's "you know, I'm on the air" as the worst pickup line of 2008.
WHEN DID JEREMI JOHNSON GET TRADED TO THE WHITE SOX? I like Junior and all, but if you're gonna photoshop the guy in his new uniform, can you use one that doesn't look like he went on a hot fudge cake eating binge?
IS THERE ANY GROUP OF PEOPLE WORSE THAN "CONCERNED PARENTS?" Leave it to concerned parents to ruin anything. Now, they've gotten the makers of Beer Pong the video to PC the game up. Apparently, kids playing beer pong the video game is likely to cause them to go on drinking binges. Right. Just like when I was a kid and I played Contra, which inspired a lifelong obsession with strapping a rifle over my shoulder and gunning down anything that moved. God, I hate people sometimes.
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SOME PEOPLE SHOULD QUIT BEING SPORTS FANS Here are ten reasons for those people to consider dropping the habit. You speak loud enough so you think the
people around you will believe you're some sort of expert. And you also
look around after each **** joke. You know it all.
You bring three friends with lesser knowledge of the game and spout
obvious statistics to make yourself sound smarter. You want everyone in
your section to think of you as some sort of guru, so you make sure to
raise your voice when answering an inane question from one of your
friends.
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SO, NOW WHAT? -The Junior stuff and the days off have kept me from doing the Quality Veteran of the Week and the Kenton County Mugshot of the week. How you've managed to maintain an existence in the absence of those two silly things is mind boggling.
-Outside of Junior's trade, I'm not surprised the Reds didn't do much at the deadline. No one really seemed to be in the market for pitching (though David Weathers would've been a nice addition to a team I have a rooting interest in) the interest wasn't there for Dunn, and there weren't many other attractive chips. There are a ton of soon-to-be free agents on this team who will play out the string here, striving for the organization's Holy Grail of going 82-80. Not sure what's to be accomplished over the next two months.
-Junior's legacy. What, if anything does the team do to remember him? Bring him back for a Ken Griffey, Jr day? Leave up the signage commemorating 600? Stick him in the team's Hall of Fame (yes)? Retire his number(s) (no)?
-Bill Cunningham asked me yesterday of there had been a signature Junior moment in Cincinnati. It's hard to name one. Here's my attempt.... 500 600 The walkoff Inside the Park HR in 2001 (highlighted by my favorite all-time Nuxhall call) The walkoff HR when he came back from the DL in 2006. His kindness when the Bluffton baseball team visited GABP.
Are there one's I'm missing?
-Why is the fact that Keith Rivers isn't in camp that big a deal to anyone? There are 14 practices total in Georgetown, not counting the scrimmage and the mock game. If he doesn't report today, he will have missed half of them. Not good.
-I often think having the chance to host a sports-talk radio show is the greatest job in the world, but I met someone who might have me beat. A few of us from the station went out for a beer (or more) last night. An attractie looking woman came over, said she worked for Budweiser and bought us all beers. Then she left. That's her job, buying people beer. Greatest. Job. Ever. Unless you have one that tops that.
-Starting Sunday, Baseball Tonight will pick the three greatest players for each MLB team. Who would be on the Reds' list? Does Junior crack that top three?
