HOT CHICKS OF THE OLYMPICS. DAY ONE. Normally, summer Saturday late morning/early afternoon TV is dreadful , and usually when I get my Food Network HD time in. Not today. Olympic fever is in full effect. (I like the Olympics, you heard? Scroll down) It's on like 17 different channels. Had no idea channel 904 on Time Warner had been added specifically for the Olympics. It's not even 2:00 yet, and already we've watched the following....
-Poland/Estonia badminton -Some brutal female (some of them might not have been female) weightlifters doing the clean and jerk. I don't care how old you are, how sophisticated you might claim to be, you can't hear "clean and jerk" and not laugh. -A bicycle road race that featured a pretty cool aerial tour of Beijing and an announcer named Craig Hummer telling us that this race featured a "who's who of Spanish cycling." -America sweeping the women's fencing medals -Jim Lampley looking like he'd rather be doing anything other than anchoring Olympic coverage. -Michael Phelps swimming. Just freaking amazing. -A women's beach volleyball match no one wanted to win. -The US, and hot Olympic athlete number one Logan Tom kick the crap out of Japan in a women's volleyball game.
The US men's basketball team opens play in the tournament no one but me wants them to win against China tomorrow morning at 10:15.
Meanwhile, the Reds continue a key four game set against the Astros, as they hope to gain ground on Pittsburgh, who opens play tonight two games ahead of them in fifth place.
JOHN EDWARDS CHEATED ON HIS WIFE FOR THIS??? Never underestimate the stupidity and scumbagability of politicians, no matter the party. Nice work, John.
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DUSTY BAKER HAS OFFICIALLY LOST ME. I love Jay Bruce. He is undeniably a cornerstone of this franchise. But after his silly error and absolute idiocy on the basepaths last night, I'd put Francisco Cordero in right field before Jay Bruce tonight. Not my man Bakes, who has Bruce in right, batting third. Amazing.
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IS THERE ANY CHANCE EITHER OF THESE GUYS HAVE EVER WON A FIGHT? This looks like a training video for child abductors trying to fend off unwilling kids kicking them in the shin.
OLYMPICS. DAMN STRAIGHT. There's no better way to kick off my Olympic coverage than with a blurry picture of America's greatest Olympian ever, basketball hall of famer and the third greatest Knick of all-time (bonus points if you can name the first two) Patrick Ewing, pictured with Larry Bird, whose inclusion on the Dream Team was questionable and David Robinson. I've always had a love/hate relationship with the Olympics. They are usually shrouded in controversy and politics have overshadowed them since their beginnings. I hate the rules that allow athletes to effectively become Olympic free agents, giving them the chance to represent countries they have little or no ties to. Doping and performance enhancing drugs have become a part of the daily conversation as we lead up to the games, but such things haven't turned us off on other sports, so why pretend that we care about cheating by Olympic athletes. Corrupt judges have clouded the games. I still haven't seen a bigger injustice than that suffered by Roy Jones Jr. at the 1988 games, and the 2002 skating controversy was a total farce.
In many ways, the Olympics are a holdover from another era, when the Cold War pitted the US against the Soviets. We worked up bile and disgust for them. Such hatred doesn't exist anymore. It's too bad Pittsburgh can't have an Olympic team. We all hate people from Pittsburgh. Hatred for all things Pittsburgh could galvanize the world. We like to think of our athletes working their entire lives to represent the United States. That is important to them, just not as high on the list as endorsements, sponsorship requirements, partying in the host city, and movie and TV opportunities that come with Olympic glory.
The Olympics you knew as a kid wouldn't work. Remember when you would watch the events on tape delay? Your blackberry or iPhone ain't allowing that to happen.
Still, I'm kinda stoked about the Olympics. I like sports. Like C. Trent, I like competition. I like goofy sports like the trampoline. I think it's cool that someone spend their entire life playing badminton, and for two weeks, gets to play it on the world stage. I like the fact the the word "shuttlecock" will be used on American cable television while I'm watching that sport. I like watching people bite it. A diver cracking his head on the diving board, a gymnast, particularly a male one, falling off the balance beam, anyone screwing up royally = quality entertainment. The Olympics provide a ton of compelling human interest stories, like the one of the guy carrying the American flag at the glorfied halftime show Opening Ceremonies. I'm a sucker for stuff like that.
Know what I like most of all about the Olympics? We're good at them. By "we" I mean the United States. Simply put, we dominate the games. Right now, when the rest of the world hates us, when many in our own country do everything they can to make us feel bad about being American, is there anything better than treating the rest of the world the way Jeremi Johnson treats plate of cheese fries? No. We need two straight weeks of feeling good about ourselves. Lord knows the next couple of months we'll have two organized crime families political parties browbeating us about how miserable America is. In the meantime, let's kick the hell out of France in something.
We're in a dead time. Quick, name one thing interesting right now about the Reds. Come on, just one. You can't. The three-headed catching monster of Ross, Bako, and Valentin? Not interesting. The Olympics offer up interesting things on a nightly basis. OK, maybe I can't name one right now, but whatever they are, they're more compelling than Corey Patterson's pursuit of his .200 batting average. The Bengals have some preseason games in the next month, and we'll welcome football's return, but can you really tell me you're intrigued by who emerges as the backup gunner on the punt team? I'll take Michael Phelps' run at eight gold medals. We'll go back to making fun of the Reds on a nightly basis in a couple weeks. They'll still be there. In the meantime, there's male gymnasts to mock!
Among the things I love most, baseball, pro and college football, and pro and college basketball are in the top seven (bonus points if you can name the other four), but the baseball season has been a bust, the football season is weeks away, and the only hoops being offerred up right now is in the Olympics in what should be a pretty fun two weeks of international hoops. It's sports. Sports are good. Sports we kick **** at are really good.
JUST A GUESS This Kim Kardashian woman is going to be quite popular on the internets. 700WLW's Rich Walburg has the first of what I'm sure will be many cyberspace salutes to this rather unkown talent.
-How on earth does Jeremi Johnson occupy a spot on the Bengals roster? From Chick....
Under the supervision of strength and conditioning coaches Chip Morton and Ray “Rock” Oliver, Jeremi was attempting to run four 10-yard dashes on the main field, and fighting to get through ‘em.
I watched him go 3 or 4 yards, then basically pull up.
After completing that exercise, Jeremi was asked to walk up the steep grass hill that leads from the main field to the conference center at Georgetown College.
Well, not just walk, but use long strides to stretch out his leg muscles.
Folks, it was painful to watch.
-I love Jay Bruce, but no chance he plays tonight after two idiotic plays last night. The basket catch was embarassing and the baserunning was pony league. It'd be nice if the team would go ahead and DL Hairston so Dusty would have an option. I'd stick Mike Lincoln in the outfield before Bruce tonight.
-The Yonder Alonso sillines highlights the absurdity of the Major League baseball draft.
-Chad, by all accounts, looks unreal in camp, and saying and doing all the right things. Nearly four months ago, we collected four shopping carts of Chad jerseys from people finished with him. You regretting that decision?
-UC has a new TV deal with FSN. Lance has the details on his blog. Gives me a chance to say congrats to my man Tom Gelehrter, who's the sideline man for UC football on 700WLW. Tommy G will be hosting Bearcats Sports Weekly with Brian Kelly and Bearcats Sports Weekly with Mick Cronin. He is a true broadcast professional, a promising young talent, quick-witted, a master wordsmith, and maker of the best adult lemonade of all-time.
-Hoping for a Ben Mauk decision? Don't hold your breath. I'm betting the NCAA is holding emergency meetings to find out how to take this kid's lottery winnings.
"I HAVE BEEN PITYING FOO'S FOR 28 YEARS, BILL." Enjoy Mr. T explaining to Bill O'Reilly why he called Rowdy Roddy Piper a disgrace at the first Wrestlemania and what the phrase "get some nuts" means.
THE DREAM TEAM REMEMBERED Pardon me while I'm on this US men's hoops kick, but the guys at Uncoached give the original Dream Team some love. The 1992 Summer Olympics went down when I was 14, when it was maybe coolest time to be an NBA fan. I was a huge Dream Team guy, even though they got the roster wrong. Dominique WIlkins remains an inexcuseable snub, and was about 76,000 times the player that Chris Mullin was. Christian Laettner had no place on that roster either, whereas Reggie Miller, Kevin Johnson, Tim Haradaway did. Hell, if you were gonna go with a college guy, Shaq was a more deserving choice. I think I watched just about every Dream Team game at my buddy Aaron's house that summer, and we still talk about that team more than just about any other subject to this day, which may be the most pathetic thing of all time. Anyway, enjoy the look back.
YOU KNOW TO ROOT WORD OF FESTIVAL? FESTIVE! Two festivals this weekend, one tomorrow as we hit up the St. Margaret of York festival in Loveland. Sunday, we hit Fairfield for the Sacred Heart festival. I hope, no, I demand that you show up. If you don't, I'm going to just assume you hate America.
MEET NINEL CONDE Ninel is a Mexican actress, who has appeared on Telemundo a bunch of times, as well as Ugly Betty, which looks awful. Ninel, however, is anything but.
An Irvington cage fighter accused of inciting a brawl at an Auburn University fraternity house by yelling "Roll Tide" admitted Wednesday to bribing a retarded man to claim responsibility for injuries suffered by the brothers in the melee.
....and be completely taken aback. Stunned. Just beside myself. This is not that time.
THIS COMMERCIAL IS COOL I know I might be one of a select few who actually cares on Olympic men's hoops. I like basketball, and anything that gives us hoops in the offseason can't be a bad thing. And I know I buck the trend and I actually really want the US Squad to succeed, simply so I don't have to hear the same overplayed myths that we heard when the United States failed to win the gold in '04. But even if you don't care, when you mix hoops with the greatest rendition of the National Anthem of all-time, you have to agree, it makes for one damn cool commercial.
DOES KELLY RIPA NEED TO EAT SOMETHING? Got the following e-mail from Lance after Kelly appeared on Letterman Tuesday night....
Tell me you saw it?????? Kelly Ripa on Lettermen last night. I made a point to watch. I'll never look at her the same way again. Appeared to weigh 71 pounds Bones sticking out. Had to turn it off.
Didn't see it, though usually a Letterman-Ripa combo would be appointment viewing in my house.. I did find these pictures of her arriving at the Ed Sullivan theatre, and while I'm certainly not in a position to turn down Kelly Ripa, one of my favorites would be well served by a couple of trips to the buffet.
-I might be the only person who doesn't think the Brett Favre deal is an absolute home run for the Jets.
-My question throughout most of last season was "Is there a guy on the Bengals defense who leaves the opposing offensive coordinator awake at night worrying?" If we ask the same question a month from the opener, what's the answer?
GOOD GOD. Jay Bruce is putting on a display today (on a rare Businessman's Special TV broadcast as FSN raised money for the Reds Community Fund), a homer and two outfield assists, including a laser from right field to nab (the not exactyl fleet footed) Prince Fielder at the plate.
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AND WE HAVE OUR REASON TO WATCH THE OLYMPICS Other than the US hoops team, which I'm actually kinda excited to see, some locals (I'm a sucker for local boy/girl does good), the smugness of Bob Costas, and the fact that there's not crap on TV in August, the main reason to check out the action from China is Bia and Branca Feres, who are synchronized swimmers from Brazil.
WHY WAS I NOT SURPRISED TO HEAR THIS? That MTV show "Bromance" had a casting call in Louisville. Which seems appropriate, as does the fact that it was held at a Sully's.
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SHOW!
-The power went out in our building this morning, leaving me way behind, and forcing me to listen to people whine about coffee not being available. So no show preview today, which has to leave you on the verge of suicide. Instead, enjoy our quality veteran of the week, and my favorite all-time ABC News personality, Elizabeth Vargas.
