FIFTH PLACE FEVER!
Headed to Chicago to catch the Reds, so I'm off Wednesday and Thursday. Nick Brunker is in charge. No better time to catch the Reds than when they're 21.5 games out, and no better team to see them play than the team they trail. Pennant fever, indeed. It's also not a bad couple of days to not be in Cincinnati, being that we simply have no idea how Chris Henry will celebrate his new contract. To fill the void, enjoy some blonde reporter getting a soaking outside Wrigley, as well as the making-of video. Talk to you Friday.

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A BAD DAY FOR MILKA DUNO
The race car driver moves down to number two on my list of favorite Venezuelans. Endy Chavez slides to three. Maria Gabriela Paez would be your new number one.

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THERE ARE TWO TYPE OF PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET
1) People who think this video is funny and pretend it's not.
2) People who know this video is funny and laugh. Loudly.

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Ever watch two people on TV, and the more you watch them you can just tell that they're getting it on? I get that feeling when I watch Tiki Barber and Jenna Wolfe anchor the Olympics on MSNBC.

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FROM I-75 IN COVINGTON

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PICTURES OF A BIKINI-CLAD AUDRINA NEVER GET OLD
The season premiere of "The Hills" may have sucked, but these don't. Neither do these.

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This is tremendous.

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IF THEY WERE IN SUCH NEED OF AN INSURANCE POLICY....
Wouldn't Joe Horn, the anti-Chris Henry, make a little bit more sense?

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CATCH AN IDIOT TONIGHT AT 7:00
Chris Henry speaks to the media tonight live on 1530Homer. My radio will be tuned to the Reds.

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WE'LL ALL ENJOY OUR COLLECTIVE BATHS FROM 9AM - NOON
-Chris Henry. The downside of all this goes beyond what you think.

-I'm looking for what this move does to help the team in weeks 1-4, how this fortifies the center position, what depth this adds to the linebacking corps, how it adds capable bodies to the defensive backfield, and how it puts pressure on the quarterback.

Bengals - Is it possible that the Pat Sims injury may be more crippling than any of the injuries the Bengals have suffered so far?

Reds - With the Reds done, does Baseball Town USA follow the sport the rest of the way? Three of the six divisions have the two teams at the top within a game of each other. Junior and Dunn are chasing postseason appearances. The Tamp Bay Rays have a chance to be one of the best stories in the last few decades. The NL Wild Card race is within two games, and the Yankees are a very realistic possiblity of not making the playoffs. Why do I think I might be the only one who gives?

Do Michael Phelps' Olympic achievements have to have some sort of social significance to be considered the best ever?

The Ten Commandments for your wife/girlfriend this football season. Got any to add?

Dream Team v. Redeem Team...who wins? The United States is just playing phenomenal basketball. And they're shattering all the myths people held onto about the '04 squad. If we're a nation of bandwagon fans, is what they're doing enough to get you to notice as they begin the medal round?

Naming a kid after an athlete? Cool. After a venue? Not sure.
How many 3 year old Carsons are walking around right now? If you're 35 and named Pete, you named after Rose? My wife and I played the baby name once. I told her we were naming the kid Mookie. We have not discuss children since.

High School football starts this weekend. Our show needs a team to adopt. It's easy to choose a powerhouse, so we're not taking St. X, Colerain, Elder, Highlands. We're picking an underdog, and looking for reasons why.

Guests....
10:30 - 700WLW's UC sideline man Tom Gelehrter from UC football practice.
11:00 - ESPN's Kirk Herbstreit on his event at PBS and college football.

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WASN'T IT NICE....
....for a while not being a national joke for the behavior of Bengals players?
....having a coach who sounded like he was going to set the tone for the organization by taking hard line stances against damaging characters hellbent on destroying your football team both on the field and in the public eye?
....having an owner who would never be confused for someone who would do anything to win yet seemed to understand that while his customers may despise him, he seemed on the surface like he was interested in some integrity on a human level?
....not having to turn on the first 25 minutes of the local news wondering if one of the team's key offensive players was going to make an appearance?
...thinking that maybe, just maybe the makeup of the roster would take shape and change throughout the season, but only due to injury and/or performance issues?
....thinking that perhaps some fan of some other team would have to be the one defending his team's choice to sign a habitual lawbreaker?
...not having Chris Henry around?

What does this say about Marvin Lewis and his relationship with Mike Brown? What does this say about the influence Mike has on the roster? What does this say about Marvin wanting to stay here? Whether or high on Marvin or not, you have to admit that the team is in better hands with him in control of the roster than with Mike? Mike Brown forcefully wrested it away from Marvin the moment he decided to bring the idiot back. What does this say about a man who will not change his ways, who will not hire a GM, who will not make significant changes to his front office, who will not add scouts, who will raise ticket prices every year but who will add a man who cannot stay out of the back of cop cars to his team? What does it say about the Bengals wideout situation? How does Chris Henry help you in week one against the Ravens? And most important, for a team that insisted to a man after the game against Detroit that they weren't worried, what exactly is this move a sign of?

I ask the following questions again...

What does it say when every other NFL team, most of whom have far better track records than you regarding personnel, decided they didn't need Chris Henry?

If the Bengals went out and gave Chris Perry a nice cushy deal, or gave Tab Perry a big contract, or laid some dough on a guy who was another IR mainstay, we'd beat them up for investing in an injury-prone guy. Well I'll take injury prone over arrest prone any day. Why do we not get upset about that?

In life, we are sometimes asked to choose between doing what is easy and what is right. Maybe one day the football team I've spent my lifetime rooting for, the organization I've invested thousands of dollars in and countless number of hours living and dying will choose the former over the latter. Right now, I need a bath.

HOT CHICKS OF THE OLYMPICS: DAY NINE
Germany's Romy Tarangul competes in judo. Which makes her a Judist I guess.

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TODAY'S EDITION OF OLYMPIC JOBS I DON'T WANT
The guy in the blue jacket. Or the boxer for that matter.

(Thanks Bright Black Internet)

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FOUR WORDS YOU'LL BE STUNNED TO SEE TOGETHER
Kim. Kardashian. ****cat. Doll.

Crap.  How lame is this site?  I can't say "****cat."  Next thing you know, we'll be hawking footballs signed by murderers for profit.

Oh wait.

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THE IMPACT OF THE BENGALS NEW CODE OF CONDUCT
The woman below will probably have to keep her clothes on. A shame. Showing your rack (which shouuld apply to men) and five other types of behavior are outlawed across NFL stadiums this year.

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SEASON FOUR OF "THE HILLS" STARTS TONIGHT
The Reds charge for fifth place takes a night off before a huge series in Chicago, so you won't have them to watch tonight. There's fake football, but I'd watch a televised Alan Cutler back shaving before I watched the Cleveland Browns play a preseason game. There's Olympics, and I'll be watching the beach volleyball semis, but I'm a bit gymnasticsd-out. "The Hills" begins season four tonight at 10:00. Where did last season leave off? No idea. What lies ahead this year? Could't care less. But convince me anything on TV tonight is remotely as interesting as Audrina, Whitney, and LC. You can't.

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THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN
As we continue to inflict our will on the rest of the world, and when I say "inflict our will" I mean come in second and third place a lot, consider how freaking awesome it would be if Peyton Manning had his way.

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IS JESSE OWENS > MICHAEL PHELPS?
Do Michael Phelps' Olympic achievements have to have some sort of social significance to be considered the best ever?

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MORE INTRIGUING: IS REDEEM TEAM > DREAM TEAM?
The answer is no, as Dan Wetzel points out, Michael Jordan's presence on the squad makes the '92 squad the favorite, and the greatest Olympian of all-time was on that team, but it's a better discussion than you might think.

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AH, HOLIER THAN THOU JOURNALISTS
There's nothing I love better than when people who have forgotten what it's like to pay for tickets tell fans how they should behave and whether or not they should attend.

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#11: THOU SHALL NOT CALL BEN ROETHLISBERGER "CUTE"
Kills me everytime my wife and I watch the Steelers. Add it to this list of the Ten Commandments for your significant other this football season

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I GUESS IT HELPS IN FIGURING OUT PAYROLL DIFFERENTIAL
The Yankees are giving away calculators at their August 30th game. For some reason giving away free calculators in the Bronx is funny to me. Those things can probably travel pretty far when thrown. Not like they're going to be used to balance checkbooks or do taxes.

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US INTERROGATION TECHNIQUES SHOULD INCLUDE PRESEASON GAMES

"We had some mistakes that obviously need to be corrected," head coach Marvin Lewis said. "But we did some things we came in here to do.

-What were they? Not protect the quarterback? Get field goals blocked? Show zero pass rush? Rack up penalties? Play the same brand of uninpired football we saw in the early part of 2007?

-I think we can suspend all the talk about this offensive line being one of the best in the league.

-I expect Chad and TJ to both be on the field September 7th. How's that for expert medical analysis? The issue is, despite their production, if you watched this team last year, it was pretty apparent that Carson and his two starting wideouts were never completely on the same page. Chad and TJ missed OTAs. TJ hasn't practiced much. Chad missed the first week, and will likely miss some more time. Why am I supposed to believe 2008 will be different?

-What purpose does the Bengals TV sideline reporter serve? One of the team's best player goes out with an injury and instead of finding out the prognosis, he's interviewing the guy from HH Gregg?

-If you have a depth chart, and if you do you may need a hobby, how right now is Rudi on top at running back?

-Does it matter how physical Mike Zimmer has the DBs playing if they can't play physical?

-Why shouldn't I be concerned that Antwan Odom hasn't been around since day one of camp and no one else has been able to come close to the opposing quarterback in two games?

-How in the hell does Aaron Harang make his next start? If there's nothing physically wrong with him, and I'd have to say it sure looks like there is, do we start debating his value the way we do after every bad Bronson start?

-Hot chick of the Olympics: Day 8 (Have some catching up to do) Jennie Finch.

-I know we're in the middle of Phelps Fever, and watching him in a crowded tavern Saturday was just awesome, but I kinda agree with this guy.

WELCOME BACK ANNA KOURNIKOVA
While the women's professional JV tennis players battle it out in Mason this weekend, you can enjoy Anna's new work in Maxim here, here, and some of Anna's best work from the past here.

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BIGGEST GROUP OF PERVS SINCE A LATE 90s MANDY MOORE CONCERT
It's a compliation of the best moments of my favorite all-time TV show.

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THE BEN-GALS ARE NUMBER TEN!
This blog had a list of the top ten NFL cheerleaders. The Ben-gals made the list. Somebody who takes up residence at PBS has to finish in the top ten in something.

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LERYN FRANCO HAS DONE THE IMPOSSIBLE
She has made Michael Phelps' medal chase the second most important thing about the 2008 Summer Olympics. What are you really going to remember first? Where you were when Phelps won his sixth gold or where you were when you first discovered Leryn?

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END OF AN ERA
This post is just for me. This sucks. I grew up listening to these guys. Crap.

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HOT CHICKS OF THE OLYMPICS. DAY 7
Corey Cogdell won a bronze in trap shooting. Most women that pack heat are not all that easy on the eyes. Corey is the exception.

ALAN CUTLER AND AUDRINA FROM "THE HILLS?????"
Maybe she's the one who convinced him to shave the mustache.

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I GO TO VANDERBILT.  I TAILGATE. AND I'M A DOUCHEBAG
From Matt Jones at Kentucky Sports Radio.  The only thing missing from this guy's toolbox repertoire is constant use of "bro."

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GREATEST FRIDAY NIGHT EVER
I have two things for you to do, in whichever order you choose.

Help out my man Randy from the 1530Homer Sales Department. His nephew, Roman has a very rare cancer and tomorrow night the Rescue Roman Bowling Benefit goes down at the Del-Fair Bowling lanes. For more information check out the Rescue Roman site.

Before or after that, stop by the St. Mary's FunFest in Hyde Park. I will be in a dunking booth, and if you get there at just the right time, Destiny will be in the dunking booth. See you there.

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YOU STAY CLASSY, CHINA
Here's what you won't see Costas and company offer up on NBC. Oh, and they cheat.

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NBA PLAYERS ACT LIKE 10 YEAR OLD GIRLS AT A SLUMBER PARTY
With Leather dug up a video of Washington Wizards guard DeShawn Stevenon lip synching to Usher's wretchedly bad song "Love in this club" (where he by the way, is telling someone he'd like to make love to them in a club. Put me down as definitely not wanting to go to that club). There will be those that say this video humanizes DeShawn and that NBA players are just like you and me. Those people are under the that impression lip synching to really bad songs is what you and I do in our spare time. They are wrong.

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HOT CHICKS OF THE OLYMPICS: DAY HIGHER THAN 1 BUT LESS THAN 16
Paraguay Javelin Tosser Leryn Franco also finished as first loser in the Miss Paraguay pageant.

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THE BEN MAUK SAGA RESUSES TO DIE.
Now he's suing the NCAA.

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THURSDAY THOUGHTS (ALLITERATION WEEK CONTINUES)
-The Bengals new fan code of conduct was released during the show yesterday. I read it and moved on. I'm surprised to hear how many are upset about it. Bob bedinghaus, the Bengals director of development for Paul Brown stadium will join us at 9:30.

-Little League continues....

Chris Dickerson won't play against all left-handers. He hit .300 vs. RHP and .247 against LHP at Louisville. "I'm trying to protect him some and keep his confidence," Dusty Baker said. "You want to put him in a position to succeed. He'll play tomorrow."

-Michael Phelps makes me hate Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Mark McGwire, Shawne Merriman, Floyd Landis, Rick Ankiel, and the rest of them even more.

-When thinking about Chris Henry, look at the stance of an entire league that has better personnel track records and gague the interest they have in the guy.

-Chad talked to the local media, avoiding a fine. I'm really not too interested in what Chad has to say in August. I'm interested in how he behaves if/when things aren't going so well later this year. And if you're taking Chad's comments about Michael Phelps too seriously, you're a dunce.

-Yonder Alonso remains unsigned. So do seven of the top ten picks. The Major League draft is one of the biggest shams in sports.

COME GET ME WET
Stop number 15 on the Thank God for Alchol Church Festival tour is in Hyde Park for the St. Mary's FunFest Friday night. I'm pumped about this festival since it'll have all the usuals....food, rides, gambling, music, beer, and since we're in Hyde Park, probably a wonderful wine selection. Plus, I'm gonna sit in a dunking booth. Trying to convince Destiny to get in as well. So if you hate me (or her), here's your chance to throw something that will cause the chair we're sitting in to tip us into a booth filled with water. My prediction: I stay dry all night. We'll see. Be there, we'll wave at all the passing joggers.

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WIN A DATE WITH DESTINY (and me)
Me and Destiny are hitting up CrueFest Tueday, August 19th. Wanna win a chance to go with us? We're giving away four pairs of tickets, and letting one couple in the limo with us. Check out the contest page of 1530homer.com for details.

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WHAT MAN DOESN'T LOVE THE CLEAN AND JERK?
My guys at Stolen Lunch Money have it among their favorite Olympic events.

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AH, GYMNASTS GETTING OWNED
Let's face it, most of these girls are probably complete snobs. Them biting it is life's little revenge.

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MORE ALECIA
Just imagine, had the US Olympic gymnastics team won how overboard we'd being going with this girl.

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OUCH!
Olympic weightlifter suffers a minor elbow injury, with announcers who are far too understated for as awesome the injury is.

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DON'T BRING UP SACRAMONE'S CHOKE JOB UP TO HER
Our new favorite hot gymnast might treat you like she does the douchebag in this video.

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BLOVIATING

-This guy is just un-freaking-believable. Seriously, how can you not be paying attention to Michael Phelps.

-Lots of postives from Monday night. You, like me, are getting a little excited. You're at least kinda optimistic? Pumped maybe. Get ready for that to be ruined.

-While the incumbent fullback works off all the bacon he ate this offseason, should the Bengals have done what the Ravens did?

-Chad Johnson is going to legally change his name to Ocho Cinco. Okay.

-You've had a chance to play Madden. Should I buy in? Best/worst parts of the game? Can you get a game played in less than an hour?

-Marisa Tomei is a stripper in a new movie? I'll be seeing that.

-Hearing the ESPN guys getting ripped on Cut-man's show this morning for their "treatment of Carson." Jaworski said Carson is not a top three QB. What's so wrong about that statement?

-Phelps or LeBron? I love bothm giving the slight edge to LeBron. Slight.

-Hot chick of the Olympics: Day whatever it is...Alcicia Sacramone. One of the few gymnasts I can watch and not feel dirty about.