I apologize for not posting in awhile. I was on vacation in the DEEP south and was totally checked out. Man, Covington was awesome.
Anyway, the NHL playoffs have been raging on and I've yet to comment on any of it. Well, keep your head up and get ready cuz here we go.
Yes, this is Dominik Hasek in the shower. This photo is part of the reason the Soviet Union collapsed.
WESTERN CONFERENCE
#1 Detroit Red Wings vs #8 Nashville Predators
I just got done watching my beloved Red Wings give up a sloppy game to the Preds. Typical. They let a team led by Canadians and Michiganders back into a playoff series. I know that playing goal in Detroit is a very pressured situation, but why does Dominik Hasek always manage to play into a storyline. Weak 3rd period effort by ALL of the Wings leads to some BS win by the Predators. Here's a fun idea. If you ever decide to sit through a nationally televised Predators game, take a swig of moonshine everytime Vince Gill is shown. You won't remember your cousin's sisters girlfriends brothers name by the end of the third I guarantee.
Wings win in 5
#2 San Jose Sharks VS #7 Calgary Flames
San Jose sucks. The Flames suck even more. Yet, the Flames lead the series as of Monday night 2 games to 1. Maybe Iron Mike Keenan has whipped the Flames into a gritty, cheap shot, BS team... oh wait, they were that way before he got there. Here's a pic of good ol' Mike.
Yep. Alberta DB...Flames win in 6 though.
#3 Minnesota Wild vs. #6 Colorado Avalanche
I hate the the Colorado Avalance. First off they are the Quebec Nordiques. Lord knows how much the French Canadians are detested by pretty much every race out there. Second, Denver inherited a pretty kick ass hockey team from Quebeqouis. Basically the bandwagon was warmed up with the windows defrosted by the time it showed up in Colorado. The only saving grace for this team is Joe Sakic. He's classy like a Don Cherry suit from Moore's. As of early Monday night the series was tied 1-1. If Marian Gaborik's groin doesn't explode the Wild will pull this one out.
Wild win in 7 games. Adam Foote, Peter Forsberg and the rest of those bastards wish it was 5 years ago.
#4 Anahiem Ducks vs. #5 Dallas Stars
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! .... wait a second. Oh man... catching my breath. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA... ha. Phew... Stars lead the series 2-0 going back to Dallas. Ok, I know that the Ducks have some sweet Cincinnati ties but Chris Pronger is a big moron. Serves him right for screwing over Edmonton. Brian Burke is a flaming turde. Thats RIGHT... i spelled turde the Canadian way.
Stars win in 2 games. Why 2? Teemu Selanne and Scott Neidermayer decide to retire again and invite the team to enjoy their time share in Naples while the real hockey players battle it out through the playoffs.
EASTERN CONFERENCE
Considering the fact that the Eastern Conference sucks and I need to get some shut eye, I'll keep this short.
#1 Montreal Canadiens vs #8 Boston Bruins.
This may be the ultimate in hypocrisy, but I'll take the French speakers over the whatever they hell they say in BAHSTUN people any day. Boston Fans get a decent basketball team and a slightly alright excuse of a hockey team and they think they rule the earth? Sure, football and baseball have been decent in Beantown as of late, but remember this. They're town was founded by guys wearing wigs. Screw them and screw Ray Bourque. That's right, I said it.
LES HABITANTS IN 5
#2 Pittsburgh Penguins vs. #7 Ottawa Senators
Sid the Kid. Evegeni Malkin. Some guy named Lemieux. This team is looking good up 3 games to none over the Sens. The only reason I give this team respect is because NONE of the players are actually from S HITTS BURGH. So you could put this team in Cancun Mexico and they'd still run you over with youth. Ovie is still better than Sid. Whatever, Pens win big here and the Senators continue to be the Canadian version of the early 90's Red Wings. Here's a clue... BUY A GOALIE!
Pens sweep. Ottawa pulls dumb off season moves. The Leafs mimic those. Canada weeps.
#3 Washington Capitals vs #6 Philadelphia Flyers
I still stand by the fact that Alexander Ovechkin is the best player in the NHL. He was the reason why the Caps won the first game. The young Flyers playing as a team are the reason why they won game two. Who will win game 3? Ask yourself THIS question... Who honestly cares besides me.
Caps win in 6 games. President Bush asks about that the sheet of ice down the street from the White House. He is told it's for unlimited Snow Cones whenever he wants.
#4 New Jersey Devils vs. #5 New York Rangers
Classic. This playoff matchup has happened for the past 231 playoff seasons. The Rangers couldnt get ANYTHING together all season long. Now they lead the series 2 games to 1. Thanks a lot New Jersey. You HAD to get paired up with the Blueshirts so they could get fired up to face a rival team like you. Now a ton of people are predicting them to come out of the East and fight for the cup. Too bad the NHL just made a new rule to keep Sean Avery from doing THIS (see below)
I'll say the Devils pull this one out in 7 games. Martin Brodeur is Goalie Jesus. He is also mad... we all know what happened when Jesus got mad, he seeked vengeance on the people that woke him from his ancient slumber after raiding the Pyramids. uh... wait, sorry. That was the Brendan Frasier movie "The Mummy"
ANYWAY...
I guess this wasn't short afterall. Anyway, Wings over the Canadiens in 6 games for the Cup. Im probably way off, but I once pinned an Elk in a backwoods wrestling match. It was best 2 of 3 and the Elk won, but have you ever tried wrestling a 700 lb bovine that was hammered on Natty Lite? Didn't think so.
Keep your socks up!
Puckboy out.
