Happy 4th of July! I hope you're as excited about the holiday weekend as I am.  The 4th of July is one of my favorite holidays for a number of reasons.  One, it's in July, and that means by birthday is coming up and I'll most likely get some money. (Just to let you know my birthday is July 31 and I'll be 24.  Is that officially middle aged?  It feels like it...)

Anyway, second, you get to sit on the sidewalk while people walk by (or ride by, I'll get to that in a minute) and throw candy and refrigerator magnets at you. Parades are a beautiful thing.  If you've ever been in one you know the excitement of walking down the middle of the street waving at people who have no idea who you are. This year I'm not in a parade, I'll be watching one from the comfort of my parents front yard, ready to catch as many Tootsie Rolls as I can get my hands on.

Third, you don't have to go to work.  Enough said.  If you are by any chance working today, I'll make sure to drink a beer for you!

Fourth, it's an official holiday, yet you're not expected to visit with relatives that you hardly know at your great aunt's house that smells like mothballs and Depends. It's a holiday, but if you just can't make it to the family gathering (because you're busy with your own explosives) it's really not that big of a deal because it's not Christmas or Thanksgiving.

Fifth, you're expected to grill out and drink beer. If you don't, people look at you like you have three eyes. I sure don't want that, so I guess I'll force myself to throw some hotdogs on the grill and have a beer while doing it. It's a hard life.

Sixth, fireworks. Here's where I stray away from the mainstream pyros and find a safe corner to hide. I love fireworks, from a distance.  As I mentioned the other day on the Sports Attack with Mo at 10:45, I had a disagreement with a sparkler as a child, it left me scarred for life.  I picked up a newly extinguished sparkler by the wrong end.  I wrapped my grubby little kid hands all the way around it before the boiling-lava-hot sensor went of in my head.  To this day I enjoy watching fireworks from a safe distance.  I'll leave the lighting them off part to the boys.

Going back to my beginning statement that despite the amazingness of parades, some have gone down hill.  My own hometown of Edgewood Kentucky parade is a great example.  It used to be that it woud be a mile of enthusiastic people jumping and running around throwing stuff out the the throngs of viewers, marching bands, funny looking cars, and a bunch of other cool stuff.  I don't know if the safety police have gotten to the parades or if it's just pure laziness, but there's a lot less walking and a lot more sitting and waving going on.  I don't care to see you sitting in your 2004 Mustang convertible waving at me.  Walk around on stilts and throw candy or something.  Come on.

I don't want to put down the parade too much, I'm about to go ourside and watch it in about three minutes.  I'll be sure to take plenty of pictures to illustrate my point, or, hopefully, prove myself wrong.  Happy 4th Homer fans! Have a great holiday weekend!