KRIVSKY SIGNS 12 DOLLAR ICE CREAM SCOOP TO LONG TERM DEAL

3 Years, 9 million dollar contract seen as "necessary"

Cincinnati (AP) Wayne Krivsky today announced the signing of a 12 dollar, Pampered Chef ICe Cream Scoop to a 3 year, 9 million Dollar deal.  How the scoop fits into the Reds plans is still a mystery, but for now reaction is mostly positive.

"Mama likes ice cream after the game and deserves the very best and most revolutionary ice cream scoop there is", said Krivsky.

The scoop was purchased at a Pampered Chef party.  In attendance was K. McAllister, wife of radio personality, Lance McAllister.  Mrs. McAllister encouraged Krivsky to take a chance.

"I told him that this was no ordinary scoop and that if he let it slip away, he would be missing out on something special.  I didn't think he would sign it to a long term deal, but he did the same with Todd Coffey, so I figured it can't get much worse"

Krivsky plans to use the scoop in the Reds locker room after home games and on a few road trips during the 2007 season. 

"I think I made a good move.  I kept it a secret and only told my closest advisor (me) what I was thinking.  If it works well this year, when the 2008 season opens we will parlay this success into signing a couple crappy free-agents, like Corey Patterson and Jerry Hairston Jr."

Meanwhile Lance McCallister was fuming.  "Pleasantville has been infiltrated with over-priced crap and my boyhood team now thinks it's smart to sign an OBJECT to a 3 year deal for 9 freaking million!  I thought I had the best job going.  I am ....I am....I...I....God I wish Trumpy was here."